Why Blue Valentine is a Great Break Up Film

Blue Valentine directed by Derek Cianfrance is the perfect antidote to the increasingly terrible romantic comedy slush pile. After years of slacker-male-reforms-frigid-woman-then-finds-love movies (i.e. Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin, etc), it is refreshing to see a movie where a romantic slacker gets together with a slightly more achieving woman without the cliché happy ending.

As any review will tell you, Blue Valentine is the story of Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams), and the formation and disintegration of their marriage. Not much happens in the film. The plot—if it can be described as such—follows a few days in the life of Cindy and Dean in present time. Living in rural/suburban Pennsylvania, Cindy is a nurse and Dean is a house painter. Dean seems to be the primary caretaker of their kindergartener. Cindy has a weary look, while Dean has a beer belly and oversized glasses that would be hipster if it were ironic. When the family dog Meghan dies, Dean decides to rekindle the relationship by booking the “Future Room” at a nearby hotel. There, the couple plays out all their pent up problems over the course of one evening, leading to an inevitable climax in the morning.

Throughout, the film flashes back to the couple’s courtship, six years ago. We see Cindy as a community college student, hoping to transfer to a four-year where she plans to study to become a doctor. Dean is a mover trying to find his calling. Both are hopeless romantics. Dean tells his buddies that “Men are more romantic than women. When a man meets the girl he wants to marry he knows it. But women always say they want to find the right guy, but end up marrying the guy who’s a good provider.” Cindy asks her grandmother how one knows if they are in love, trying to figure out if she should break up with her jock bf, Bobby.

And here’s where Blue Valentine makes a statement by being simultaneously both extremely romantic and extremely cynical. These two romantics manage to find each other and have a great time. Their connection is palpable in the way that Dean’s off the cuff remarks make Cindy laugh, and in the way that they manage to have fun with each other. But even so, their love crumples after six years. Now, Cindy only yells at Dean for acting like a child, and asks him whether he wants to do anything besides housepainting. Blue Valentine seems to say two things through its portrayal of the disintegration. On the one hand, it suggests that even the most profound love cannot survive the rigors of daily life. But on the other hand, we are proud of the characters for admitting their failure and trying to move on. Instead of depressingly leading a loveless life, they recognize they deserve more. This is ultimately hopeful.

Many critics have pointed out that we the film does not show the middle of the relationship, so we do not know how the relationship disintegrated. On the contrary, I think Cianfrance does a great job showing the way that the relationship has sucked the life out of both Cindy and Dean. Both characters are fundamentally the same person they were six years ago. Only their reactions to each other are soured now. Dean is no longer fun now that his antics result in extra work for Cindy. He seems to try to channel his old self in making her laugh instead of being his natural self. Even though it’s saddening that the relationship falls apart, we can also hope that both characters will find someone else with whom they share the same magic that they once did with each other.