The Kids Are All Right: Probably the Best Movie of the Summer

"You want a family so much, go out and make your own," Nic (Annette Bening), the controlling half of a lesbian couple, tells the sperm donor who has fathered her children, at one point in Lisa Cholodenko's new film, The Kids Are All Right. Though the film's plot tells the story of how a family of four--Nic and Jules (Julianne Moore) and their two teenage children--deal with the discovery of their sperm donor's identity, Nic's statement sums up the movie's deeper issues. Notably, what makes a family, how to welcome a stranger into a family, and how to let children grow up.

These themes, told through a strong script written by Cholodenko and Seth Blumberg, make the film appealing to a wide audience. Nic's doctor self contrasts nicely to Jules' relaxed joblessness. They also have a college-bound, academically inclined daughter, Joni, and a slightly rebellious fifteen year old son, Laser. Laser prompts Joni to reach out to their sperm donor when she turns eighteen. Paul soon enters the family's life in his older-yet-slightly-youthful-motorcycling-organic-restauranteur way. He clashes with Nic's orderly world, dividing the family between those who like Paul and those who don't.

But never mind these large issues; the brilliance is in the details. Cholodenko focuses on some choice moments to reveal Nic and Jule's relationship. Early on, they have sex to gay porn. It's loud, but completely untitillating at the same time like how any other married couple might make love. Laser later finds this porn and confronts his Moms about it. Their endearing explanation includes the fact that "women's sexuality is expressed internally, and sometimes we just need to see it externalized." Later, Nic reveals her sensitive side when she sings all of Joni Mitchell's "All I Want." "All I really really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you too," Nic sings a cappela to a surprised audience of family members.

These lyrics speak to the type of the marriage Nic and Jules seem to strive towards: a companionate relationship where each partner expects to help the other one improve him or herself--not so different from the yuppie idea of a heterosexual companionate marriage.

Though the film is not overtly political, it seems significant that it takes place in California, a state that has recently repealed gay marriage. It implies that Nic and Jules married before the ban was passed. Though my no means perfect, their relationship is one that most couples can relate to. Jules announces that "marriage is fucking hard," and I could feel everyone in the audience nodding.

Critics have been swooning over The Kids Are All Right's "realistic portrayal of a lesbian relationship." But the realism of the relationship has also blinded reviewers to many other cliches in the film. Ruffalo's character, Paul, is entirely a cliche. It's the same scruffy-haired, somewhat irresponsible dude that Ruffalo always plays. He is suddenly jolted into a higher level of adulthood when he meets his biological children, and doesn't really know how to cope. Other cliches include the uptight person who drinks too much, and a daughter who yells at her parents that they need to let her grow up. These cliches make it easy to imagine the same story with a heterosexual couple, adopted kids, and the biological parents.

These cliches are ultimately forgivable since the film is so thought provoking in its own right, and beautifully acted. The family is quite memorable and not easily substituted in the mind. It will be difficult to find another release this summer that matches The Kids Are All Right.